• All Our Lives

    I thought “If I could tell her something I would tell her this
    There’s only two mistakes that I have made
    It’s running from the people who could love me best
    And trying to fix a world that I can’t change.”

    - All Our Lives by Andrew McMahon

    I’m not entirely sure what I should write about, but I know I want to be writing. So this may or may not get published…

    I’m still feeling frustrated. Since my last post things have escalated, we have to wait longer for the house to be done now. Unsurprising given they have never built it before anywhere, but frustrating nonetheless.

    I’d love to be able to say I’m channeling all that frustration into something productive and good, but I don’t think I am. It certainly isn’t helping that since we’ve moved into this rental I’ve been ill at least 4 times that I can remember. Battling my fourth illness in as many months is not my idea of being productive. It just leads me to the question: Is my body giving up too?

    Not that I’m giving up. I’m just, I don’t know… Taking time off from… Everything? Giving up certainly isn’t what I’m doing because, let’s be honest here, if I was going to give up I’d have done it a very long time ago and you wouldn’t be reading this. How macabre of me, but sometimes life is like that.

    This whole situation is something I’d talk to my friend Karla about and she would be honest and open and amazing and I’d feel better because she had such a beautiful gift of making you never feel alone, even when she was 3,000 miles away. But I can’t talk to her and this is the first time since losing her that it’s hit me.

    It’s not my intention to write about Karla, or what happened. At least not yet. One day I will I’m sure, but for now it’s a little too raw and very close to home for me mentally. So let’s move on, shall we?

    I’ve been trying to work out regularly again, and the last two weeks I’ve done 3x a week which is better than the previous weeks. I imagine I won’t get a whole lot done this week if I can’t breathe. We’ll see how it goes.

    I’m also trying to cook more. It’s only taken me what? 4 months to finally get back into cooking most of the time… But at least when I do cook it’s healthy stuff for the most part.

    I’ve taken to buying clothes even though I should really stop spending money, so no more of that! I should be good now for a while though, so there’s that! Saving mode is now enabled.

    One day at a time right?


  • Please hold, your life will be with you shortly.

    That’s how I feel at the moment. Everything is kind of put on hold until we get into our new house. There’s all this stuff I want to do when we get in, but I can’t do it until then.

    Most of it is fun stuff – decorating, picking out furniture, designing wardrobes, some DIY projects. I spend a lot of time on Pinterest finding amazing ideas (Bedrooms, Kitchens, Shelving & StorageGeneral Decor… I might be obsessed.)

    Other stuff, bigger life stuff will happen too, once we’re in our new home.

    Which means for now I just feel… on hold. Like someone pressed pause and I’m stuck in a loop. No change, no real direction or moving forward. Just waiting. Bored. Even the holidays this year will be a very quiet affair.

    That’s not the best way to feel when you’re prone to depression. Or impatience. It is useful, though, in giving me time to think about what I really want and how to achieve those goals.

    There’s still about 2.5 months before the house is supposed to be ready. We don’t have a date yet, just “January”. But the roof is going on the first couple of houses, so soon we’ll be able to have a look at the layout properly, which is exciting. It’s one of the biggest unknowns at the moment, what it will actually be like inside.


  • Mindful Progression

    The past couple of weeks have gone quick haven’t they? It’s nearly November?! Sheesh.

    At the start of this month right after returning from holiday I got a nasty stomach bug. I haven’t had one for years. It’s pretty scary sometimes when you just can’t stop being sick, but thankfully it didn’t last longer than 24 hours and ever since I’ve somewhat unintentionally made massive changes to my diet that seem to have made a huge impact.

    Firstly, I decided to participate in Go Sober for October, so I haven’t had a drop of alcohol all month. I don’t miss it, and it’s been an easy thing to cut out but I never did drink a lot with the exception of nights out, which are usually few and far between.

    Since having the bug, I have also managed to cut out cakes and most sweets. I’ve had the odd few on occasion but nothing close to the levels I was consuming. It’s the same with gluten. Actively cutting out those foods has helped me feel better and my digestion!

    I’ve cut way back on soda. I’ve had a couple of glasses of coke or lemonade, but overall I’m drinking coffee (not more than 1 or 2 a day), lemon tea (with manuka honey so I don’t come down with some illness as the weather turns colder), and water (either with squash or without, but lots of water going on).

    The other notable change I’ve made to my eating habits? Smaller meals. Lunch now consists of Heinz cup of soups (seriously, they are AMAZING) and maybe a GF bagel on the side. I do have a snack or two during the day, but trying to keep the portion sizes down is easier.

    I find I’m eating less for dinner mostly, too. It’s possible this is due to eating later. Most nights if Hubby is working in the office he’s not home until after 8pm, so we don’t eat until nearly 9pm. Who wants to have a big meal at that time of night?

    All of this has resulted in actual weight loss. It had been so long since I saw any real results from any changes I made that I had nearly forgotten how good it feels to see any results!

    I kept 2lbs off after my stomach bug adventures and have lost a further 3lbs in the 2 weeks since then. Since we moved house in June I’ve lost 8lbs (and most of that this month!).

    Sufficed to say I’m feeling very motivated and confident in my body. Now if I could just get that feeling to impact other areas of my life… but that is a post for another time!


  • Back to reality (AKA I don’t wanna)

    After arriving home yesterday afternoon I’ve been in a bit of denial at my holiday being over. I had a nap, being awake since 5am (4am UK time) doesn’t do me any good, and the one thing we managed to accomplish is buying food.

    After a proper night’s sleep (finally!) we wandered out for our last “holiday” meal and treated ourselves to breakfast at Dean’s Diner. (Seriously, I love this place.)

    That was the last bit of holiday bliss. The rest of today has been spent cleaning the house top to bottom and cooking food in preparation for the week. In an effort to make things as easy as possible this week I’ve pre-made turkey mince w/ taco seasoning, salads in a jar, granola for yogurt and fruit parfaits, oats w/ almond milk and fruit, and cut up fresh pineapple for smoothies. Oh, and I have a stew in the slow cooker. I was going to do pork meatballs too, but forgot to leave the meat out so need to let it thaw and I’ll prep those tomorrow night!

    So it’s pretty much back into the full swing of things. If I learned anything over the last week away it’s that I definitely need to try to steer clear of gluten if I can, so that’s my main dietary focus for the time being. After daily walks down the beach and back and up and down 4 flights of stairs, I’m most certainly keeping up with exercise now too and am going to try P90x3 which should take me to the end of the year!

    <3


  • Final Preparations

    This weekend I had no plans for what felt like the first time in months. In reality it’s only been about 3 weeks, but they’ve been a busy few weeks! With nothing planned I was able to take time on Saturday to tidy the house and relax a bit.

    Something about having all the clean washing put away properly just makes everything better, doesn’t it?

    Today was a different story. We wanted to go try a new place in Trowbridge, Dean’s Diner – an American 50’s style diner – but we weren’t in the mood so postponed.

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