“Healing is the journey. The destination is yourself. The full recognition of all the different aspects of yourself – your joy, your sorrow, your pain, your pleasure – all lead you to the source of who you are. Only by having intimate contact with this source can you experience the fullness of your life. Only by fearlessly looking within can you embrace the landscape of your life and open yourself completely to all the love and compassion that lives inside you.”– Philip Berk
This was yesterday’s quote in my planner.
In the early days of our relationship, my husband used to ask me how much I loved myself. I’d usually answer that I didn’t, because it was the truth. I was filled with a darkness that overpowered any feeling of love for myself. Even though I was happy to give love to others I couldn’t figure out how to do that for myself.
After a while, he changed the question to ‘do you love yourself yet?’ The distinction was clear. I needed to love myself. I didn’t see it clearly then, but that’s what life is for right? To teach you the lessons you need to learn.
The journey from not knowing how to love myself and being unhappy with who I was to accepting and being in love with who I am, flaws and all, continues and that is what this quote is about for me.
I find out more about myself with every passing year, it’s truly a never ending process learning who you are. Everyone is constantly changing! I think it’s one of the most beautiful things about humanity, we are not static beings. We change, learn, adapt, feel things deeply and all of that makes up who we are over time.
When I was younger I used to tell myself I didn’t care what other people thought about what I was doing. It was true to a point but not as true as I wanted it to be. Everyone seeks approval from others in some way, in that effort to find your people.
Don’t compromise yourself
At almost 41 I’m still surprising myself. I feel like I’m starting to finally get to know myself in a way I never did before. I know more of the parts of me that really make me who I am that I am unwilling to compromise on.
When someone is asking you for the opposite of something that fundamentally makes you who you are? They probably aren’t thinking about you and what you need. I’ve had to end relationships because of this!
The moment you realise that they know they are asking for the impossible but they don’t stop is possibly more heart breaking than getting out of that relationship or situation. You can never take back something like that.
It’s not just relationships, this could relate to anything. You learn over time the people that ask you to do things that don’t feel right to you aren’t your people and you should probably try to distance yourself from those situations if you can.
Fearlessly be yourself
I have a lot of practice being myself, but myself has changed a lot and continues to change. I’m much less apologetic now about who I am. I think that just comes with time and experience.
I have my tribe – all the amazing people I’ve met in my life so far that have become my family. We are free to just be ourselves without any judgement, only support and love.
When you are free to explore what makes you tick and understand yourself completely it can be life changing. Just one more lesson I’ve learned this year during lockdowns and this pandemic!
My husband commented the other day that I’m so much happier now, because I’m not letting someone else take up my energy. It’s a really good feeling when you know you’re doing the right thing for yourself.
So here’s hoping you get some time to get to know yourself fully and enjoy the journey!
We are currently under our second lockdown, less extreme than the previous one but a lockdown nonetheless. It’s been raining a lot recently, so I haven’t gone outside for walks and I am definitely in need of some fresh air and nature.
So today I’m going to try to get outside for a walk, even a short one will do!
I hope everyone is continuing to stay safe as we go into the holiday season – only 45 days until Christmas?!