It is never too late to be what you might have been.George Eliot
Today’s quote sums up this year for me well enough when I was struggling to put it into words.
Truthfully, since I was diagnosed with cancer and the plan I had was derailed there have been more moments when I’ve felt stuck than like I was moving forward. This year has felt more like a holding pattern than previous years with one exception: I’m no longer working somewhere my personal values don’t align with.
That Work Life Balance
My work life was a major contributor to my overall unhappiness and I feel like a heavy weight has been lifted. Hearing what’s been going on there since I was furloughed and then made redundant has only made me more thankful I’m not there. The question of why we let ourselves become something we dislike for the sake of some business that doesn’t care about us as people is one that haunts me, which is why I’m trying to find my place somewhere I can actually make a difference.
That I’m in a position financially to have time to find something new is a blessing that is only possible because of the year this has been and one I don’t take for granted.
This time last year I wasn’t thinking about what I’d accomplish in the next 12 months or anything. I was just trying to get through each day in a depression that lasted months. The memories that come up on social media are in stark contrast to how I was actually feeling – reiterating the difference between what we share online and reality. I can’t remember any goals I may have had for the year and that’s probably for the best!
What I’m proudest of this past year doesn’t comprise a to do list I can tick things off of as I completed them. It’s the relationships I maintained, the connections that grew stronger despite the social distancing and lockdowns (connections that probably wouldn’t have grown in this way if we had had a “normal” year), removing myself from toxic situations that did nothing but make me feel less than myself, having time to learn new things, take care of my mental health, and last but absolutely not least, getting to spend this last month with my partner in crime as he got some much needed rest after leaving his work to move on to something new!
I read more; 19 books on my Kindle and a few more physical books. I wrote more, not just online, but in journals as well. I completed 2 diplomas and have another nearly done. I got outside a lot more and I started running again (my body is not happy about this last one, but we’ll see how it feels in a few months).
Next week I will start getting back into my own routine as I continue my journeys to become who I know I can be – because as the quote says, it’s never too late.
The only goals I’ll be setting will be ones I feel really good about. Currently I’m thinking about a goal for writing, reading, and the running will continue of course. I need to loosen my calf muscles. I’m going to see how eating less meat pans out in January – Hubby is not enthusiastic about that one! I’m going to work on getting my PCOS under control enough to shift my health in a more positive direction. I’m going to continue to look for a new role in an organisation that has a direct positive impact on their customers and/or the community.
Maybe I’ll do something new and completely unexpected.
Whatever the next year brings, I hope everyone continues to stay safe, healthy, and awesome!