(Warning: there’s a lot of sarcasm in this post!)

I’ve been working so hard at trying to stay positive that maybe I’ve lost track of processing everything.

Or it’s the side effects of my meds.

Either way… today I was fine, until I wasn’t.

Whether it’s the progesterone wreaking havoc, I am starting to notice a few side effects, or just that it’s finally hit me, tonight I’ve felt really overwhelmed.

I’ve got all this stuff I have to do all at once. Follow a pretty strict diet, walk a million steps a day (okay maybe not a million but some days it feels that way), take all these pills. Stay positive (that’s me pressuring myself I know but if I don’t do this then I will fall into a very black hole). On top of all my normal self care that I try to do just to stay sane. Now I get to worry about what happens if I forget a dose of meds and whether I have the energy to do all this walking because hey guess what? Some of my side effects include being tired ALL THE TIME and losing my breath easily.

For the first time since I found out I have cancer, today I just want to curl up and hide and pretend this isn’t happening. Let someone else deal with it.

It could all just be the meds, another side effect? Depression. Because I don’t already have that to worry about, thanks!

So yeah, today hasn’t been the best day. I’m sure there will be more like this to come, I can only hope they are far and few between and I have the strength to deal with them.