Feeling It

Seems like lately things keep cropping up and putting a kink in the works, but I’m getting better at dealing with things – not letting it derail me too much.

Although this weekend has certainly not gone to plan, I’ve ended up in bed a lot, very ill and feeling incredibly awful rather than a day of shopping and going out to dinner to celebrate our 7 years of wedded bliss (ahem!). But that’s ok, we are pretty used to it, it’s life! 🙂

Despite things going awry, I’ve lost 2lbs in the last week. Progress, indeed! Even with some odd symptoms throughout the week – food making me feel bloated to the point of feeling sick (gluten? milk? IBS? Who knows…) and only working out Mon-Wed (3 days of Insanity + 2 days of Bob Harper’s strength training!).

This week my plan is to continue with Insanity and getting in the extra strength training sessions when I feel like I can. I’m hoping to get out on my bike as well, I think the weather is finally settling down a little bit and it’s sunshine this week! So some early morning rides will be a nice start to my days.

For meals this week I’m focusing on lots of veggies – fresh, steamed, roasted maybe – and protein and fruit. I’m going to try cutting down the carbs for a bit and see if that helps with the bloating!

There’s something I remembered on Friday morning as I was getting ready for work: how I felt about myself before I gained the last almost 40lbs (when I was on BCP). I was around 195-205lbs for a long time, but I always felt confident. I didn’t feel fat. I was curvy and I showed it off nicely. Remembering how I felt then and comparing it to how I feel now… it’s a very different feeling.

I want to get that old feeling back. This year for me is about strength and overall health, not the number on the scale. I realise now that for me it’s not about the number on the scale, and if I make it about that I don’t get anywhere. The important thing is how I feel about myself, inside and out, and being happy with that. I’ll be happy if I get to a point where I’m confident in my own skin again.

That is what I’m working towards. I say this over and over, if I take care of myself, eat right, work out and make sure my body feels healthy, it will take care of itself. And then I can start to feel good. To feel confident again.

And my weight loss goal right now is not to lose 100 lbs like my doctor may want me to, but instead to lose 40. To get back to that weight where I was confident enough for years (and I know my body will be different now than it was then) and see how much confidence I’ve gained back.

It’s not about numbers, it’s about feeling it.