I have time this morning that I don’t usually have. Time to wake up properly, at a pace that seems reasonable to me. Time to think, read, connect and enlighten myself.
I was reading someone’s website and it occurs to me that I used to be some of the things I see there. Artistic, meaningful, beautiful things that somehow have a purpose. I used to do that, be that. And I miss it – I want it back.
I don’t feel like my life is my own now. Between work and other stresses there are things missing. Things I used to have time for but no longer do. Or maybe more accurately, no longer make time for. But there is no time to make and this is the problem.
The only reason I have this time this morning right now, is because I have a blood test today. Because this year has decided to completely throw me in the ring with no protection or idea of what’s coming and I’m reeling from the hits. It’s motivated me to get my shit together mentally and physically.
And for that I need time. I need time every day, week, month, year. To plan, prepare, see beauty and get back to me.