It’s All in Your Head
My weight loss journey is teaching me more about myself and life than I ever thought possible. In all the years that I’ve struggled with my weight I always knew it was a matter of will power and determination, basically getting off your ass and exercising instead of sitting around doing nothing and ensuring you eat healthily.
Before I started going to my GP for help I learned everything I could. I knew the math, calories in versus calories out, what foods to eat and what exercise I should be doing. Seeing my GP on a regular basis gave me the motivation I desperately needed in the beginning to get started – to get off my ass and do it.
After months of my weight solidly at a standstill I had an epiphany this morning before my weigh in with my doctor. Well, it isn’t really an epiphany, but it was certainly a breakthrough. My understanding of what my body has been doing these past 4 months is something like this:
Body: Hey, I’m happy here. Let’s stop losing weight!
Me: Oi, you! I’m not at my goal yet.
Body: But I’m comfortable at this fitness level. You obviously are too since you aren’t challenging me anymore.
Me: Well, yes, but we still have more weight to lose, so come on!
As I said, I know all the facts about how this works – the plateaus, starvation mode, etc. What I’ve found is always the reason I’m not seeing results in my mind. I’m not working out my feelings about what’s really going on, figuring it out in my head and the implications of my emotions on my actions. This leads to ruts, which lead to plateaus! It was all so clear this morning.
I’m complacent. I’m not challenging myself anymore; I’m doing the bare minimum required. In the beginning it’s so easy and you get very comfortable and cocoon yourself in falsehoods about what losing all this weight will really require. You get cocky and think “Why couldn’t I do this before? It’s so easy!” Then you slam into a wall.
I know I need to change my routine, challenge my body and muscles in a different way to crash through the wall. I haven’t really done it. I’ve done a little, and it’s helped. I did lose 1kg in the past two weeks, although I’m positive it’s not just from the exercise I know now what I have to do. The loss was that little bit of motivation I needed. Seeing my doctor this morning was also motivating. She is always very encouraging, as is everyone I know. I’m not sure I need positive encouragement right now, what I need is someone to be mean and say “Do this. NOW!” and not take any excuses for why I might not want to do it.
My mind is clearer today, more focused. I need this and I need to be harder on myself over the next 3.5 weeks before my next appointment. She gave me a goal of just half a kilogram. One tiny pound. I’m determined to go in there losing at least double that, if not quadruple.
As hubby and I are in London this weekend for the London Film and Comic Con (I am so incredibly excited about this!! *squee!*) starting Monday I will be doing Jillian’s 30 Day Shred. I have a goal for December in my mind and I have to push for it. If I do I know I’ll be rewarded.
Today I was 95.0kg. My goal for the next weigh in is 94.5kg. I’m going to work for 94.0kg. I have 25 days!