Back in May, when I had been on the meds for 7 weeks I had my last biopsy to see where I was. When we saw our consultant 3 weeks later he was still waiting for the Bath cancer board to discuss my case and he didn’t have a lot to tell us other than there was very little progress in my endometrium. I was still showing as atypical hyperplasia, just one step down from cancer, but he wanted to hear back from Bath before giving us any further prognosis.
A week after we saw him he rang me as soon as he got the email from Bath. The atypical cells were still way too prominent and I wasn’t as far along as I should be given I’ve been on such a high dose of progesterone for 7 weeks. The somewhat interesting part of the letter (to me) was that he had also met with Bristol’s cancer board and they had just attended some gynaecological cancer thing and the consensus is that they are optimistic that doubling my dosage will give me better results.
It would seem that my PCOS is interfering with my treatment (higher levels of other hormones already in my body means the one I’m taking will be less effective). For someone that has always felt that her body is working against her in some way or another it’s par for the course that it would be fighting me on getting rid of cancer, too.
So I had to make a decision. Double my already high dosage where the side effects aren’t that great (but my hair and nails are growing like crazy!) or call it quits and have a hysterectomy now.
There have been days when I’ve wondered why I’m still fighting, I mean, what’s the point? With my age and existing conditions and sometimes still being on the fence about whether I want to have kids… why am I going to all this trouble?! Hubby put it down to having the option. Options are good and all, but the option to have something I’m still not sure I want? Is this worth that?
Turns out it is. For now. I have another biopsy in August and then we’ll see what the results are. If it does work and my biopsy is clear, I’m looking at a minimum of 2 clear biopsies after that, so at least 6 months on meds after I get the results, before any consultants will contemplate letting me stop the meds and go for fertility treatments.
I’m staying pessimistic this time around because I need to be okay with it not working. I need to be able to make the decision to quit and save myself a much longer timeline of heartache and be okay with that decision.
Everyone keeps telling me I still have options even if I have a hysterectomy. They aren’t wrong, but they aren’t helping me either (no offence to anyone who has said that to me! I know you mean well). We know exactly what our options are, we’ve been to the fertility specialists and we have all the info we need.
At the end of the day if we don’t have children it will be okay. It makes me sad to think about that being where we end up, but I will be okay with it in the end. Plus, if my continuing for a bit longer gives a bit more research into what treatment to follow for other women in my situation that’s a great thing.