This whole month has been a really horrible, sucky end to the year. With the exception of the time I spent in Bournemouth with Sara and Christchurch with Sarah (hee hee, yes I do find that amusing!) this whole month has been crap.
It’s more emotional stress than anything if I’m completely honest. It’s never nice losing a close friend, especially when you lose them because they stabbed you in the back and you just can’t trust them anymore. I don’t want to go into details about it, but it hurts. What hurts more than what they did is the fact that they a) didn’t realise it would hurt me in the first place and b) seemingly aren’t too worried that I am cutting them out of my life even though they say I’m really special to them.
If I was that special surely we wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place? I don’t go around hurting the people I love and don’t expect them to do it to me Isn’t that what friendships and relationships are all about?
Then there’s another friend who I’m just unsure of what to do about. I don’t want to lose someone else, especially when I truly connect with so few people to begin with. After nearly 3 months of almost constant communication with this person I still can’t seem to breakthrough to get to know them. It’s a shame as we hit it off amazingly well in person but then they just hold back. I’m losing patience and wish they would just try a bit harder, but all we do is constantly wind each other up and I can’t take much more.
Hubby and I spent Christmas at home, just us. It was nice and then I got stir crazy. Being ill and emotionally drained from everything this month has taken its toll on me. We both have been really stressed and he’s not quite been himself the past few months. I have to admit, this is the first time when I’ve actually sat here and gone ‘WTF?’. I’m not sure how we ended up too consumed with our own stuff and didn’t notice each other.
I think we stopped communicating to each other. Well I know I did, I tried telling him I wasn’t happy but he always managed to blow it off or make a joke so I just stopped telling him. The problem is neither of us bothered to make the other one see something was wrong. It’s down to both of us and I’m not blaming him (or myself) for anything. We are where we are and in 2011 we just need to make sure it doesn’t happen again and that we continue to be there for each other like we have always been.
I need to re-prioritise. I need to concentrate on the things that make me happy and the people in my life who are there for me no matter what, the ones that don’t stab me in the back and constantly make jokes and don’t let me in.
So here’s my disclaimer for 2011: Don’t treat me like shit; I won’t tolerate it. If I’m special to you and you love me show me and act like it! I will make sure everyone I love knows they are special to me and that I want them in my life and will do my best to not hurt them.
Here’s to a better 2011!