Missing

I have been in a weird mood today (and by today I mean Friday, even though it’s now early Saturday). I was a bit snappy at work all day due to stress and not sleeping well last night. My workload is insane at the moment and I desperately need a raise, but never having needed to ask for one before I’m a bit intimidated by the whole thing.

Darren is out tonight with work getting drunk and having fun so I’ve been on my own. I finished painting the downstairs bathroom, watched Beauty Shop and You, Me and Dupree, both very enjoyable! At midnight I started painting the main bathroom upstairs. It only took me an hour and a half and it shouldn’t need a second coat (it’s now yellow and was magnolia before that).

I’ve since been surfing a bit and listening to a radio station from Va Beach. It makes me feel less disconnected, but it also makes me miss it more. I really miss it and often think why did I move? I mean, Darren is worth it, I love him more than anything, so much it hurts, so much that sometimes I just can’t be close enough to him and can’t bear it. But, well, the truth is… I’m still not happy here. I’m coping and I do like it here, but I’m not happy. Maybe I’m not meant to be happy, to belong somewhere.

The only places I feel safe are in his arms, on a beach overlooking the ocean, or in the middle of nowhere with no lights and a bright sky full of stars, or best of all – the combination of all three. Apparently 1 out of 3 just isn’t enough.