One of those bad times again…

Jack Johnson is singing “it’s always better when we’re together” to me. Yes, that’s true but I’m sure I could do without the current drama. No details will be shared here, but sometimes lately I wonder if it was all really worth it.

Hubby has been somewhat attentive this week and listened to me bitch about work. He even suggest that if I’m not happy to look for something else! The audacity!! When he’s so unhappy in his job but so unwilling to leave because of money. Nearly the same reason as me. But I know I only have to stick it out until it sells and I get my shares, then I fully intend to quit. I guess the question is if I could find something that makes me happier, really makes me happier, and pays just a bit more so I think it’s worthwhile. When did it all become about money? I shouldn’t be willing to be miserable for the promise of a big pay off. That makes me even more depressed.

We always complain we hardly spend real time together. Gladly we’ve gotten to do that a lot over the past month. So much so that I’m glad he’s working this weekend so I have time to myself!! I have my John Mayer, who never fails to make me feel not quite so alone and miserable and a whole house to clean. And I’ll probably spend some time with the mother-in-law this afternoon as well seeing as she is cutting my hair for me today. Just when I’ve decided it was almost at the length where I can start doing fun things with it again I’m going to chop it all off! I think I’m just sick of having long hair. I want something fun and funky.

I’ve changed since my move, grown up. Some would say that’s a good thing. I think it sucks, I miss the old me – the one who hadn’t lost her childishness. I cry for her to come back to me.

Sometimes what we need is a little Clarity.

I worry
I weigh three times my body
I worry
I throw my fear around

But this morning
There’s a calm I can’t explain

The rock candy’s melted, only diamonds now remain
By the time I recognize this moment
This moment will be gone

But I will bend the light pretending
That it somehow lingered on
And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will pay no mind
Well it won’t and it won’t because it can’t
It just can’t

It’s not supposed to
Was there a second of time I looked around?
Did I sail through or drop my anchor down?
Was anything enough to kiss the ground
And say I’m here now?
And she is here now
So much wasted in the afternoon
So much sacred in the month of June

How bout you?
And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will wait to find
That it won’t and it won’t and it won’t
And I will pay no mind
Worried bout no rainy weather
And I will waste no time
Remaining in our lives together