F*ck Cancer

6 months ago I was diagnosed with womb cancer. 3 months ago I found out the dosage of progesterone I was currently taking wasn’t having enough of an effect and the oncologists thought if it was doubled I’d have much better progress in treating the cancer.

Last month it was confirmed by my doctor and the oncologist that the doubled dosage was not working as well as needed and there is still cancer inside my womb.

Thankfully – and I do mean that – when I got the appointment details 2 weeks before, I was told the notes on the biopsy report: “no significant change”. So, while she probably should never have said that to me over the phone with no context around what it actually meant, it did mean I could prepare for the worst before the appointment and decide more or less what I wanted to do going forward.

As I waited for my appointment and thought (okay, perhaps obsessed) about what I wanted to do I paid closer attention to how I was feeling and what side effects I was experiencing from the medication. Up until recently it’s been pretty mild, the most noticeable being my heart rate and blood pressure sky rocketing. I noticed I was feeling really crap and I wasn’t sure how much more of this I wanted to or could endure.

Hubby and I talked, I cried, and we pretty much came to a decision. We had the week of our appointment off and spent it at Center Parc in the woods. It was nice and quiet and just what we needed. We talked more. I cried more. We had our appointment.

The doctor confirmed, treatment is not working and was classified as “failed” at this point. There are still options though! I could carry on and try an even higher dosage for 3 more months. I wasn’t a fan of this option because I already feel rubbish and don’t really want to feel worse. I tell the doc I’m leaning towards hysterectomy. We are pretty sure he looks relieved at the news. I don’t think it’s easy for doctors when they have patients wanting to put themselves at risk like I have been, however low that risk may have been.

So this is where we are now. I have decided to get rid of the cancer with a hysterectomy. I had another MRI, which was still clear thankfully. I go into hospital and have my operation on Monday 30th October, 3 weeks from today. I stay on medication until then, just so there’s no real risk of the cancer growing.

Will I regret this decision? I don’t know how I’ll feel in the months/years to come but for now, no. I’m doing the right thing. There was never any promise I’d get pregnant if the treatment had worked, especially not with the other contributing factors affecting my fertility. And throughout the whole time we have been trying to conceive and the last few months I have tried to stay impartial, reminding myself that we are happy without children, we have an amazing life. We do not NEED children to have happiness and love, we have an abundance of it right here, together.

It’s still a heartbreaking decision to make. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone and I’m going through it. I will never carry and give birth to a child. We will never have a family.

I’ll be posting more in the coming weeks/months about it.  How people can be supportive in these situations, the perks that come with it, and how we intend to make the rest of our lives together an amazing adventure. It’s not all doom and gloom!

You’ll just have to hold on while I get my bearings and set off on a new path. 🙂